maia...I also hear what you are saying. When a friend that is not in my close circle of friends and family has a relapse....my first reaction is to say "just get back on the horse".
While I care...I don't feel pain like when it happens to my closest loved one.
Also, the other AA members care about the welfare of their associate...they are not thinking about the welfare of the family of that person (not as the first priority).
Relapse is really hard for the family. It is much harder for us to handle.
Your point is well made, however.
dandylion