Originally Posted by
Godismyrock 
When your RAH has just had a lapse/relapse, and is now feeling awful about himself and you are angry, what is the right thing to say? I end up venting frustration, anger, distrust, disgust, point out where he failed. UGHHHHH. I need to stop taking his inventory.
What are some phrases, things I can say that embody detaching with love???? What works?
Honestly, I tend to just stay out of his way. I've found that I'm often the last person he wants to hear from when he's already dealing with so much shame.
maia - I understand what you are saying, but speaking solely for my RAH he's not as receptive to this kind of support from me as he is from other alcoholics. There is a whole different set of emotions that come into play & he "hears" the same statements differently when they come from someone other than me.
I might suggest extra meetings or that he call his sponsor, basically keep directing him back to his program. I also think there's a big difference in types of relapses. I'm going to feel differently about a 1-day relapse vs. a 2 month binge, ya know?