Originally Posted by
chloebaby 
I just feel like I keep trying and trying and that compulsion is still there. I have lost almost everything including my dignity. I keep hearing people say they find spiritual awakening and I am so jealous cuz I want that but it seem so unatainable since I am not religious. I just feel soooo lost. I really don't want to drink anymore at all. I do remember I 2as content not drinking in my life and I really don't know how I got to this ****** life :'( My father was an alcoholic amd died last September. I have al2ays had a problem with binging and blackouts but it was once every 2 to 3 years when I was married. I have alienated my kids my family.
Any chance ya got a sponsor to help you understand that the program has absolutely nothing to do with religion?
It's a spiritual program. Yer free to chose whatever conception of a higher power ya want as long as its not you and one that will help you solve your problem.
And that spiritual awakening happened to many that wanted absolutely nothing to do with religion. it was a result of working the steps.
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.