Originally Posted by
maia1234 
If you go to the A forum and someone on there relapses, you can't believe the support that they give him. I am floored. They tell him to get back up on the horse and take one day at a time. They support him and don't crucify him at all. They all live with such guilt. But the A reached out to the forum and confessed what he did. So he really is trying to be honest with what he did.
My idea is watch what he does with the relapse. You have to understand that the relapse hurts him more then you, if he truly wants to be sober. Who are we to judge, are we perfect. Should we be watching what he is doing. If you are working your program you would have no time to be monitoring his.
I have not been so lucky to experience any sobriety from my XAH, so maybe I am wrong on my comments, but that is how I feel.
H and I are working on a relapse plan, which takes all of that into account. I know the amount of guilt and shame he carries for years of drinking, and he is no where near the point of realizing how much damage he has done. He has told me that in rehab, they told them if they fall off the horse, get back on and try again. In a much smaller way, it's like eating a tub of ice cream on a diet. You don't kill yourself over it - you get over it and make a new goal and work towards it.
That is, assuming the A is wanting to continue to work towards sobriety.