I don't care about the AH, I mean really, it is just an abbreviation so we know who someone is talking about.
I can understand if I am standing on the street, I would never say my alcoholic husband or addict boyfriend but it is a recovery site...Get real!
Anyway...
Originally Posted by
iamthird 
I want to be supportive of him but as I am working my own recovery for co-dependence
Keep the focus on you and your child. That does not mean you can't tell him you support him and that you are praying for him.
That does not mean telling him how to work his program. Don't tell him to go to a meeting, don't tell him to call his sponsor. If he has a problem and is trying to unload it on you or get you to give him an answer then you can suggest he talk to someone in the program. "Call you sponsor!" does not equal "I can't really help with that, is there someone you should call?"
You understand what I mean? That puts it back to him, put the ball back in his court. It will save you a lot of heartache, whirling of emotions worrying about him and/or the need/want to help/fix/solve/control his problem.
Whatever it is, put the ball back in his court. If he can't figure it out himself (and he can't, he needs to ask for help) then he will reach out to people that can help him and with all the honestly and sincere expression I can express in text, that person is not you.
He needs to do these things, now whether he wants to is another issue but it is not YOUR issue. Yours is Al-anon and your child.
Originally Posted by
iamthird As expected he is up and down and all around. Not mean but sometimes I can tell his mind is just not focused.
That will last a while and it is best to leave him be. Try hard not to say anything negative and I say that because anything you say now could set him off depending on his mood at that moment. The emotions are up and down and can change on a dime. I am NOT telling you that his reaction is your fault, it is not, but early recovery is raw and I won't poke a bear with a stick.
If he wants it, if he wants sobriety, he will ask for it and he will work for it.
All that said, try to live in the moment. If you are both having a good moment then express it was a good moment, enjoy it and let it be. If you see him having a good moment with your daughter then express that and let it be.
Letting things be and letting things go is a big part of recovery on both sides of the fence.