Hey there... my RA just got home this week from rehab....yes. I soooo get the "not really wanting them there" thing. I really do.
Instantly, the safety is gone it feels like. Instantly everyone is "scared". Even the RA. It is hard. I'm finding myself frustrated and in fear.
But in my heart, I know that the fear is mine, not his. My RA had a meltdown in the car ride home and went off on me...I just wanted to scream "let me out of the car!!" It was destroying the peace that I had created in his absence and I just wanted to bail on him, the marriage, the everything.
I do understand how you feel. I am feeling the same way. But I do love my husband and I want to see him get to a healthy spot. So I'm stickin around. I just have my boundaries and my safe places where I know he cannot effect me...and when it does start effecting me, I hope I will be strong enough to do what I must.
Hugs to you