today. today if I had the resources, I'd be gone for good. no looking back. If I could I'd pack up and leave tonight. But that's not possible/realistic.
So I'm just lingering here in this marriage where we either are not speaking or he wants to play the part of the loving husband and have s*x and pretend like everything's great.
and then I think, what if, what if I *am* just being insecure and paranoid and those are just really good platonic friendships (with alcholic/drug using young girls.....ugh. I'm pathetic)