Hi Jodie, I was an alcoholic for two decades and unfortunately most of my closest friends also are (something I just recently realised). Virtually all alcoholics are self centered because the addiction requires it.
I would say most are not abusive in the way you have outlined. Of the 5 or 6 alcoholics I know none of them would speak to a partner that way and if any of us ever heard someone abusing their partner that way we would not tolerate it. But abuse takes many forms....not being home to support your partner and help him or her manage the household is a form of abuse also for example.
I could see how that kind of abuse could really destroy your sense of worth and lead you to a deeply unhappy place and you do not and should not have to tolerate it.