Not sure.
I think my XAH is possibly borderline or narcissistic. He was actually less verbally abusive while self-medicating. But most of what you wrote above has been spewed at me.
My grandfather was a recovering A, and although he always had a controlling worrisome personality, my mother says he was in no way abusive. She believes he also self-medicated with alcohol because of his anxiety, which led to alcoholism. He was in AA for 30 years.
In the end, it doesn't really matter what it is or where it began-- unacceptable is unacceptable. It is up to us to choose recovery for ourselves and what we are going to allow into our lives. I decided that listening to that garbage was slowly killing me.