Jodie77....this was definitely a cycle of abuse.
Abusers are often very charming and intense in the beginning of a relationship. Until they are sure that they "have you". He knew what he was doing.....that is why they are able to contain their "abusive behavior" to the right situations and right times (for them).
This kind of stuff is very deep seated.
If you are interested in more...you might want to read some of the more popular books on it. I also suggest reading "The saber-tooth Tiger"--this one is more for the dynamics of the victim. You can find a list of well recommended books on amazon.
Also, do a google search for "Cycle of Abuse". There are several good websites.
It doesn't matter what ALL alcoholics do...it matters that this alcoholic did this to you.
It was wrong of him to do it. You didn't cause it or deserve it.
dandylion