Soberintexas007

Not doing too well right now. The good news is that I still have my 78 days sober. The bad news is that I am stuck in this torture. My husband has gone back to drinking a few weeks ago, and I have chosen to stay with him. I have told him, however, that I will not choose to be around him if he has more than 32 ounces of beer (he usually has 16 ounces each). I know that this is a false sense of control, but hey, I am just hanging on to whatever false hope I can right now. Although he has kept this amount, the darkness has set in. To sum it up, he becomes so preoccupied with those beers that frustration in my life sets in. And when he is not drinking beer, he is smoking weed all of the time. I am always driving, and he often has a bad attitude because of his non-recovered life. And then he is always telling me that he loves me more than anything. I am just so confused. I miss my parents. At least I had them to look forward to when I was living with everyone. Now I feel I just have my addict husband. My life has become smaller since moving out, whereas before more stuff was going on in my life when I was living with my parents. I started to cry tonight but could not finish since my husband wanted me by his side in bed. I don't want to let my parents or sister know what is going on because I don't want to worry them. I need to start going back to AA and Al-Anon meetings which I have been neglecting. You know how happy people fear death because that will be the end? Well, I am not suicidal, but I don't fear death as much anymore because my existence is pretty painful right now. Thank you for this forum as a place to let my feelings out.

P.S.- I just asked my husband if he is proud of my sobriety. He told me that he is b/c I am doing a good job. I asked him if he could help support my sobriety by not overdoing his drinking. He said yes. Oh well.