Been clean over two years now. Prior to this i spent 22yrs in and out. I would get clean for a year or two and then go use again for years. I believe that i used to relapse because i found being clean too painful too sustain. How ever ****** using was at least i could get some let up from the pain. In the end though i couldnt get any let up using either...didnt matter how many drugs i took i couldnt blot out the pain. I was gonna die trying. The damage i was inflicting on myself and others as i tried to block pain that simply wouldnt be blocked was phenomenal. So this time it was like i knew uncategorically that the pain of using was worse than that of being clean. I also knew that there had to be another way. Interestingly enough it isnt so painful now. In fact it is pretty good mostly.
Anyway that is my story in short but i think there has to be better ways.
