First honest 90 days
I had the pleasure this week of going to my home group in Compton and picking up my first "real" 90 day chip this week!
I've taken one 90 day chip in the past, but there were a few minor relapses in there that I'd convinced myself "didn't count" - they weren't severe enough, nothing terrible had really happened, I had plenty of excuses. This week, I didn't need any, because I have not touched a drop since October 17th, 2014 and I don't intend to have any today.
As my countless relapse posts on here can attest to, this has not been easy for me. I've gone in and out of sobriety, convinced myself that I could drink in moderation, failed miserably, came back with my tail between my legs, made long whiny posts online, went to lots of AA meetings, stopped going to meetings, stopped reading this forum and r/stopdrinking, and started drinking again, over and over countless times since April of 2013.
I have finally found a strong sponsor who I've really been able to be honest with, who has drilled into me the facts about the nature of alcoholism. I've found a strong community of other people I can talk to, both online and in AA. I've finally come to terms with the fact that drinking is just not an option for me. Most importantly for me I think, I've started trying to actually apply some of the suggestions that people have been making since I first started this whole process - not obsessing over the past, making a conscious decision in the morning to not to drink today, accepting my situation as it is instead of how I'd like it to be, that sort of thing. Life has been very difficult for me recently, but I'm finding I can deal with issues as they arise a lot more calmly than I could deal with even minor problems in the past. I feel calmer, happier, just better. Even getting to my ******** pseudo-90 days felt like a huge stretch, but nowadays I'm just sort of trundling along doing my thing and 90 days snuck up on me.
My wife usually doesn't come to meetings with me, but she asked if she could come with me to my home group this week.
When I got up to go get my chip and awkward hug, she cried.