I'm really really grateful for SR.
I feel even worse today. I'm pretty sure my chemistry is totally whacked right now.
I made the stupid mistake of opening up to my wife last night and being honest about how I felt. She could see I was upset, so I explained how I was still craving beer and I really wanted one with my friends etc (who I had visited that day). I also let her know that I didn't have one and won't have one but thought it would be helpful for her to understand how I felt and definitely helpful for me to be able to talk to somebody about how I felt.
BIG mistake. This morning she had a talk to me. It quickly escalated. She started out sounding helpful and expressed her concern for me. I said I was just being honest and yes I do still have those cravings. She wanted to understand what else was bothering me and I made the biggest mistake possible and let her know I was feeling frustrated about the things I spoke to her about that have been bothering her for YEARS and she hasn't followed those up like she promised.
That was a really bad idea as that instigated a tantrum and rage. All of a sudden I had switched the conversation to being about her (Yes , its true) but I was being honest about what was bothering me and making me feel like the way I was. So whilst I was talking about her I was trying to answer her questions.
It escalated into insults like "you loser" , "all you want to do is drink beer with your mates" , "go and get a case of f*#$n beer and get drunk with your mates" and so on.
There was a lot more but what's the point. You get the idea. I'm not innocent. I have no intentions of putting my wife down. I'm just telling it how it is.
So in the end I have learned a valuable lesson. Don't open up to people (even those you love and consider your soul mate) about something that they can not empathise with (that happens to be destructive)
The only alternatives are to pay somebody by the hour (Psychologist), somebody trained such as a counsellor or express yourself at a wonderful place like SR.
It would be even better to speak to somebody in person but honestly, I can't afford it. I have 8 sessions of government subsidized psychologist meetings ahead so that will have to do.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/insult anybody but I have no intention of going to any place related to religion/ higher power. Sorry if that has occurred.
Its also obvious that I need to consider marriage counselling soon. I'm sick of putting my head in the sand and drinking away all of the problems in the past.
Anyway, I appreciate the comments above. Its so helpful to have an outlet like SR.
Thank you all. Have a great day.