charis78....if you are really serious to understand....the best thing I can offer you as an "explanation" of how the alcoholic mind works is this:
"Addiction, Lies, and Relationships", by Floyd P. Garrett, M.D.
Do a google search and you will find it on the website:
Welcome to Psychiatry & Wellness, Behavior Medicine Associates.
He actually wrote several articles which you might find informative, as well.
These are the best that I have read on this subject.
dandylion