I know this is hard to understand but we are not addicts and could never treat anyone like our addict treats us. I have reached out so many times on the A forum to comprehend what they are gong through. Not that we should have any compassion for them, but I always like to post their comments to me about trying to understand what it is like to be one. Here are a few comments, that I have posted many time.
Addiction is a selfish disease that robs the addict to feel any empathy for someone (even loved ones). They are fueled by the principal pleasure of numbing out, getting high or intoxicated. Everything else (responsibility, family rituals, loving cuddle moments, etc.) are second to the drug/alcohol.
When I was drinking, I didn't lie or cheat or hide it, and I don't remember feeling guilty about anything because in my eyes I was never doing anything harmful. When I got sober, and I realized the damage I had done, I about choked on the shame.
We think we KNOW what love is supposed to look like and when someone's behavior doesn't look like that, we think they don't love us. They behave that way because they're alcoholic. And love cannot cure alcoholism