I met my ABF on an online dating service..After reading all of the posts, it seems as though the majority of us have some of the same issues: low self-esteem, afraid of being alone, "I can save/help him/her", etc. etc. Looking back at my most recent 5 men that i've dated/or had a relationship with (all of which i met thru the online dating service) 4 of the 5 were what I would call an alcoholic, one of these however, was in AA at the time I met him and will be celebrating 2 years of sobriety in July. 3 of these relationships with the alcoholics, I was the one who called it quites.
Relationship #1 (recovering alcoholic)just didnt work because of distance (we lived 300 miles apart),
#2 This guy is on the city council and is a software analyst for a very large firm, I was thinking to myself in the beginning oh, man what a good catch! Then I started really watching his drinking habits. When I confronted him about his drinking and he was in total denial, so I just got out while the gettin' was good.
#3 this guy didnt drink when I was around, but when he did drink he would get very verbally abusive, as well as through emails...I knew I was heading for trouble with this guy and got out before something physically happened to me, that's how scared I was of him.
Now for #4 who I am currently still with...I know deep down he is an alcoholic and that I really need to steer clear of him, so why do I hang on to him? Perhaps it's the attention he gives me (I suffer from low self-esteem and readily admit it). I try to justify staying with him because the side that I am seeing he is thoughtful, caring, and not abusive. But then on the other hand here I am asking myself "why hasn't someone with these "good" qualities that I am seeing still has NEVER been married and he's 41 years old?" The logical part of me tries to take over and say that there IS something wrong with him or he would have been married at least once by now.
So here I am, telling myself to get out and on the other hand telling myself maybe, just maybe it will be ok...I look back at my previous posts and all of the responses that I received back, and I know deep in my heart that I really should just end the relationship before it goes any further and to keep from either of us getting hurt more emotionally than what it would be like if the relationship should go one for several more months, before the envitable break-up.
Again I'd like to thank everyone who has responded to my posts and listening to me.