That's what I have found to be the most exhausting, the covering up and the lies to protect him. It was after finding SR. and reading other posts that I decided enough and started admitting to others that my husband was an A. That was such a relief, like a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I no longer feel the need to pretend things are ok. But I am still working on not engaging with him when he has been drinking. Generally I am quiet about things but lately I guess I have been feeling braver. Tonight he asked me why I am so mean. My response was why are you so drunk. I know I shouldn't have said it and had a moment of fear thinking he would leave and drive off somewhere. But he didn't, he just looked shocked and shook his head at me like I was the one doing wrong. If he could only see himself through my eyes. The man I married would be horrified at the man he has become.