I met my A-ex at work. He was very popular and very sweet. My last relationship was an abusive one and so I thought a nice guy would treat me right. He still doesn't recognize that he has a problem, eventhough he has a DUI and refuses to work the program to get his license back.
At first, I just chalked it down to a difference in culture. I don't really drink, and I found his drinking to be excessive, but alarmingly so. My therapist told me to go to Al-Anon if his drinking bothered me. I didn't think it was that serious. But then, he always talked about himself, the injustices done to him, about how his boss mistreats him, about other people and their 'scandals' - but never TO me or to ME. On the eve of my birthday, he went on a 2 hour (yes, all monologue) tyrade about his boss, then had the gall to ask me after "did I bum you out??"
THEN we went to SF for a week... I got to see the extent of his problem. He drank from 11am until AFTER I was asleep in the hotel. Part of our trip was through wine country, which didn't help. On the last day, he accidentally hit me in the nose with his elbow. I would've been mortified if I had done that to someone else. He was so drunk, he didn't even notice until I pointed it out. I didn't even get an apology.
I knew it was over a day into that trip. I broke up with him soon after we got back. Even at the end, when I was trying to connect with him, he still kept talking about himself and his chaotic life... damn right... I wasn't about to get sucked into that mess!