who cares was a real problem for me too. I had little self esteem and little left to show for my life.
But I found purpose again - for me it was service work - and that helped.
I also found that the longer I stayed sober the more my perception shifted - it was probably 3 months before I realised I had been thinking in the same negative cynical self loathing way that I had when I was drinking.
It took that long to shift, and that long for me to be aware oif it.
Everyone deserves happiness and a good life JD - you included - try and remember that the next time the AV comes calling
It's nothing but a termite that wants to tear you and your new life down.
D