Originally Posted by
dandylion 
FireSprite.....that is exactly what I was trying to get at.....
dandylion
Great minds, us ENFJ's.
Seriously though - another thought for you:
Once IN recovery & dealing with this stuff head-on I also realized that there WAS a grain of truth to what AH was saying.
Dealing with him DID make me miserable, negative & nasty. His behaviors brought out the very worst in me & I thought I was right to defend myself in those situations, but what surfaced was that ugliness - he threw it at me & I threw it back harder. Of course he was the only one to see me this way - he was the only one I treated that way! He could never see that he played any part in it of course, not until he had been sober for a while.
Learning detachment made a huge difference for me - I could remove myself before I helped to make bad situation worse.