Originally Posted by
notgonnastoptry 
Mostly when I drank, the kids were in bed and it would be me, my vodka and my hobbies. Internet and tv. I didn't harm anyone (i'm not talking about physical effects which remains to be seen). I just had a good time. My thoughts would be more creative, I'd feel numbed from the world and it just felt good.
I've thought about this a lot, and it even came up at an AA meeting I went to tonight, because the speaker had what's called a "high bottom" -- he hadn't lost anything or harmed anyone seriously.
First, I think a lot of us believe that we're more creative when we drink -- at first. But my guess is, either our supposed creativity is just something we perceive because we stay isolated with it (it's easy to sound like a genius to yourself), or it's just displayed to a bunch of drunks -- not a very critical audience LOL. In my experience, alcohol helped me filter out a lot of unwanted stimulation so I thought I could focus better -- it quieted down the anxiety that kept me from focusing on creative pursuits. It did those things successfully because it's a depressant. However, and it's a big however, because it's a depressant, there was invariably a letdown from every single "creative" burst.
Also, you say you didn't harm anyone. Are you including yourself? And I don't just mean physically... I mean in terms of wasted potential. I don't bother anymore to regret my past, but I'd be a fool not to recognize that I could have had a more interesting and memorable life if I hadn't stayed drunk for several decades!
I don't see any benefits to drinking. In sobriety my mind is sharper and more playful than it ever was when I was drunk, and I can use it the next day. And I'm not slowly killing myself.
I hope you stick with sobriety now. There's never any better time to quit than now!
