I can't tell you exactly when, but I can tell you that it will. My ex-fiance and I split up the day before Thanksgiving. Just within the past two days, it's really lifting. I thought it never would. I honestly felt, in those early weeks, that there was no way I was ever going to see my way out of the depression, pain, longing and intense feelings of being completely abandoned. I'm far from completely over everything, but I can finally say that I really feel like I'm getting there. I can't give you a timeline, but you're not too far behind me, so just hold on a little longer, Jodie. All of this is natural. I posted only a few days ago asking if what I was going through was normal because I thought I was quite possibly losing my mind.
I did the same things you're doing now. I couldn't move. I felt like I couldn't even breathe, literally. I ended up seeing my doctor because between the heart flutters that I could feel in my chest and my throat, the feeling of being unable to breathe, loss of sleep and feeling like I wanted to climb out of my own skin, I thought there was something terribly wrong with me medically. Diagnosis: anxiety. Go figure.
I didn't move off of my couch unless I had to. All I looked forward to was the next time I could sleep because it was an escape from the horrendous feelings I was having. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would have probably stayed in bed all day and night. I felt like everything I knew was torn out from under me and I didn't know how to function anymore. I couldn't eat and I completely hid from the world (thankfully I'm on winter break from school because I'm unsure how I would have gotten through classes). On the eating thing.... please try to at least get something down and drink water if you can't tolerate anything else. I always tend to not eat when I'm really upset and I can tell you, without a doubt, that it exacerbates how you're already feeling. Even if it's just a few crackers with cheese, some dry cereal with a glass of water, just get something into you every few hours if you possibly can. Trust me on this.
I came on this board often. I thought everyone that kept telling me I was ok and that I'd get through it couldn't possibly understand how badly I was feeling. I had to be a special case because I couldn't even begin to grasp what they were telling me. I was going to be ok? This was normal? I was better off without him? I'd begin to heal and look forward to my future? I had to work on me? Block his number? Go no contact? WHAT?! HUH? In my mind I kept thinking that they obviously had NO IDEA how bad this was destroying me! Maybe what they were telling me worked for everyone else, but no way was any of it going to work for me! I was too far gone. I loved him too much and they just didn't understand how shredded my heart was! But you know what, they were right. Everything that I've been told here has happened or is in the process of happening. If you asked me two weeks ago, I would have never believed any of it. I felt like nobody could have loved their A as much as I loved mine because they just weren't getting how badly I was hurt and how impossible it was to think about me when my mind was completely and utterly obsessed with him! They know what they're talking about Jodie -- we're so lucky in that we have those who've fought on this battlefield before us and can tell us how to find our way off of it.
What has helped me to date was learning as much as I possibly could about addiction. It took a while for me to digest it all and for it to really sink in. Addiction is addiction. They won't allow anything or anyone to come in between them and their addiction. I know my fiance loved me -- not a doubt in my mind -- but, he did, does, and always will love his alcohol more. I don't want to come second to anything. I shouldn't have to. You shouldn't either.
The other thing that really helped me was to focus on what "I" wanted in a relationship instead of focusing on what I had just lost. When I really sat with this, I realized that there really wasn't a lot in the way of what I wanted that I was actually getting out of our relationship. My fiance was so good to me in his way, but there was SOOO much missing. The things that were missing are things that it's impossible for an addict to give. Why was I settling for less than what I wanted? That's something I'm still working through. I imagine my perfect relationship (I know none are perfect) and in all honesty it was nothing like what I was living with with my ex. Sad.
Reading this board was a tremendous help. Posting here when I was at a loss or really struggling and letting what others said truly sink in is what got me through the darkest points, and there were many. I think I was literally in a state of shock the first week or so. In my mind, I figured he'd realize what he was losing and come crawling back, willing to get help so that he wouldn't lose me. NOPE. Didn't happen. THAT is when reality struck me over the head HARD. And, that is also when my true healing began. I never thought I'd say this, but at this point, if he begged me back and had God standing next to him promising me he'd get help, I wouldn't do it. It isn't even just his alcohol addiction, it's what is underneath it all too. I'm starting to see that the issues go much deeper than just the alcohol and that's just not what I can, or want to, deal with anymore.
I care about him and I might always feel that way, or I might not...who knows. I'll always wish him peace from the demons that are destroying him, but just like I had to finally buckle down and help myself, he has to do the same. Nobody could do this for me and nobody can do what needs to be done for him, except him. I've finally, after some serious battling within myself, accepted that. I think I've finally started to accept a lot as far as this situation goes. I never thought it would happen, but thank God it is. It's so much more peaceful and so much easier once you stop fighting with yourself and accept what is and what can and can not change.
Also, please don't beat yourself up. This is hard and it's a lot! I tend to analyze myself and criticize myself harshly when I'm not doing what I feel I should be doing, or not doing it fast enough. I did this the other day when I posted asking if what I was going through was normal. On top of being beat up by the relationship ending, I was beating myself up more. Please try not to do that. Remember to cut yourself some slack...you need some right now to get through this.
Hugs Jodie - I know there is no way you'll believe it at this point because I didn't either, but this may just end up being a very big blessing in disguise. In more ways than one.
Hang in there girl... I KNOW how brutal it is, but I promise that it's going to get better. You're going through the worst of the storm right now, but calmer weather is just ahead. Stay strong.