Hi JadedGirl. You might want to step over and read some of our stories... Its a board "My Story." Mine is there and you'll see how similar it is to yours. My big fear was winding up a bag lady. That was enough to start me at least dumping out the bottles I bought. I'm sure you've thought of not only your life but that of your daughter's should you go to a bottom that far down... this is a progressive disease and many an alcoholic woman winds up on the streets. I see you're already there dumping the bottles and your analogy was a good one... "in an abusive relationship with a bottle"... that's exactly how it felt. I have a couple of suggestions. #1 you might need supervised detox.. only you can know that by shaking hands, etc. At least talk to a doctor about it and see what he/she thinks... and #2 try not to think further than this one day... just handle not drinking today.. that's enough of a chunk to deal with. This is not the time to think about yesterday nor tomorrow. One day at a time... just for today, don't drink.