Rose56

Good Morning Friends,
What a crazy ride my life has been over the past week. Everything came to a head after my daughter's car accident on New Year's Eve (she is ok, a broken nose and stitches). My husband was drinking very heavily every day and doing next to nothing around the house etc. Then my husband got a bad case of gout, which he gets periodically and the drinking brings it on. He was hobbling around and complaining about the pain and I was trying to do everything around the house and care for my daughter. Because of the pain he was in for the gout, he decided to stop drinking. I blew up and started screaming at him and asked him to leave once again. He called his parents and told them he was coming to stay with them for awhile which upset them. They know how bad he has been lately and worry about him. Then true to form I felt guilty about screaming and asking him to leave. So I asked him to stay. Another turn around the merry go round.

So as of today, he has not been drinking (at least I don't think so) for one week. However, my daughter was given pain pills for her nose and he took a couple when he was in so much pain with his foot. Then he took a couple more a couple of days later when he was only in a bit of pain. Now I am afraid that he is taking pain pills instead of drinking. So I hid the pain pills and told my daughter where they were. I feel ashamed to tell you this, but I am committed to being honest with you, my friends.

In some ways it has been nice, with him not drinking, but I don't feel elated and I don't feel like this is permanent. It just feels like a tremendous toothache has subsided to a dull pain but I am waiting for it to erupt again. So I don't have my hopes up.

I did something else, a small thing. I decided that I am no longer going to do his laundry. He is at home all day and still doesn't do much around the house, so I decided not to spend my precious time doing his laundry. I don't do my children's laundry and now I won't do his. But I didn't tell him that because I was afraid that it would come across as a punishment, or as me trying to get back at him. I decided to just let him notice that his clothes are not getting washed. As I read this it sounds so childish. I also decided that I am not going to worry about how much exercise the dogs get and put that responsibility on my shoulders. There are three other people in the house that can worry about the dogs and their need for walks. I will walk them if I feel like it and otherwise I will let this go too. I just don't have the energy to do everything I think "needs" to get done. So I will prioritize and do the most important things only. When I blow up it is usually because I am trying to do a lot more than I can manage.

Thanks as always for listening.