I've read your posts and this one in particular and started typing a response many times and then thought better of it as I am coming from this from "the other side."
First you're doing a great job. I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sounds terribly difficult. I know this is terribly politically incorrect so I do apologize but when I read some of the stuff your hubbie is pulling I think "well I did bad stuff but geeze I never did THAT." 'Course I realize in the world of addictions so many of us are "not yets" so I keep that in mind as I read these posts.
All of what I'm going to say has been said more eloquently than I will say it but for my 59.38 cents here goes.
As far as telling other people here are my thoughts. Yes addictions thrive in secrecy. Each and every choice regarding telling people to break that secrecy has its risks. Maybe you tell, you're shunned, family denies there is a problem and they enable. That is a risk. Maybe you tell them, they believe you, get involved in a positive manner and your hubbie is madder than a hornet at you. That anger too is a risk. Unfortunately there are simply no easy answers.
I guess I would say, and it may be worth writing down two columns, what are the risks, pros and cons of telling or not telling. Using the old phrase "first do no harm" may be worth considering. Ask yourself what is the absolute worst thing that would/could happen for the various choices. I am not in your shoes but it seems to me that the status quo has run its course. It may be time to take some risks. Maybe you lose the support of his family and he gets angry but is that worse than what you are currently facing? I don't know the answers but some food for thought. Maybe however they jump in and you get some support. My better half chose to engage our families. It was not fun, it quite frankly sucked, but I also had to face the music. All of our families supported him, felt there was a problem but were afraid to say anything. From my side it sucked BUT if forced me to DEAL. I'm coming up on a years sobriety so as angry as I was at the time I'd have to admit that approach worked in my case.
Peace and best wishes,
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