Yes you do have to work at it! Great topic Standing!
Way back when I started this program, did a 4th step and realized what my part was I was blown away. I was as bad as they were!
I wasn't in a position to say my amends at that time but I changed my actions. I changed my behaviors. I stopped being all knowing, argumentative and controlling and it took the pressure off the entire household.
Hugs,
JT