Hi Undies,
Petals - I sure can relate to stopping drinking while living with a husband who drinks. I found it to be isolating; my life when I drank revolved around him and our friends who drank. When I stopped drinking, I didn't have anything in common with the people who I spent the most time with. Yet, I was still with them often. I understand what you mean when you say that you feel like you're alone on this journey.
I started going to AA so I could spend an hour in a room with people who weren't drinking. I didn't like the Higher Power stuff, the God talk, the slogans, the sexist language in the Big Book, or the constant reference by members to "the program," but it was a relief to be away from alcohol and spent time with people who weren't drinking. And truth be told, after peeling away the old fashioned language, the Big Book and the 12 Steps had some points that I found interesting.
The first six months in AA were in equal parts unsettling and comforting. I didn't feel well when I stopped drinking - mind or body. For me, that was when all the pain came bubbling to the surface. That's when I curled up into the fetal position. AA, SR, and a slew of self help books helped me make sense of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences in sobriety. Almost 11 months later, those AA slogans make sense.
It works if you work it. It really does! Sobriety, peace, joy, and freedom didn't come from simply not drinking; it came from being willing to transform the way I think and act.
Carlos - I love the story of meeting your little sweetie-pie. It's especially poignant to hear how joyfully your visit was received, and how special your connection was with the little one, in the context of where you were 20 months ago - feeling alone, desperate, and completely unworthy.
I hope it shows folks who are still in addictions' grips, battling cravings, feeling the dull gray blahs of early sobriety, as well as any other uncomfortable feelings that alcohol may have been suppressing, that life not only gets better, but has the potential of feeling AMAZING, better than any high, when they work hard at recovery. When I was first sober, isolated, with a husband who was drinking, knowing I couldn't possibly survive if I continued drinking and didn't have a choice but to stop, I NEVER would have believed that I could find any peace, serenity, joy or happiness in life. Simply abstaining from alcohol didn't get me here; while I'm not completely there yet, I feel closer than I ever have by having realistic expectations, practicing acceptance, doing my part, and letting go of the rest.
Take it easy, Undies, and keep it simple.
