Asperger's and recovery
Hi J,
My first post but I wanted to commiserate as I too am a diagnosed Aspie who was managed variably with alcohol for twenty plus years. I am recently sober - and really couldn't say I am sober as yet I guess.
My only thoughts are that alcohol served a real purpose in tamping down the Aspie issues. I think it will (has been) difficult as many people use substances to be more social comfortable or deal with situations that could pass or be managed better over time.
Asperger's is part of who we are - not something that happened to us or that can be understood in relation to experiences we have had. It also makes anxiety almost a certainty on a daily basis so a ready fix is hard to pass up as the condition and its manifestation are always with us.
My approach at this time is that I want to be my best version of myself and accept that I have to be who I am in this life - Aspie and all. Alcohol helped dull who I am so I could have relief. Giving up alcohol also means there is no relief other than in understanding. Really no rest for the wicked as they say, because we are outliers in society. Of course we and others do not think we are actually wicked but there is always a price for deviating from the mean. That price is higher if you are an Aspie with our sensitivities.
Alcohol insulated me from the world (both internal and external) but until I allow myself to experience this all at full volume and unfiltered I cannot live with integrity, but instead I would continue to live a divided life - and that became unsustainable too.
Hope this resonates a little.
JED1