TerpGal - in a way, I'm sitting here completely jealous of you. I WANT the anger! I WISH I could feel anger! I know it's deep down in there somewhere, but I can't find it. Don't get me wrong, it's come out in my relationship when it's built up so much that it HAD to come out, but now that it's over....nothing. Just hurt, guilt, questioning, fear. I KNOW I have A LOT to feel angry about, but where the hell is it? That it's NOT coming out scares the hell out of me! I think you're in a better spot than I am because you're actually feeling it and that's healthy. You have every reason in the world to feel angry!
Have you tried a beginners alanon meeting? I just went to one on Sunday and I'm going back this Sunday. Beginners are just that, beginners on the road to recovery. There were some that have been there for a while, but most of us were relatively new to the whole alanon thing. I don't particularly enjoy it because it's always been impossible for me to break it down and show any vulnerability to anyone, so I just sit and listen and hope that eventually something will start working for me. Those that have been in it for a while swear by it, so there has to be something there, right?