TerpGal....that clears it up quite a bit (for me). It seems that you are not afraid of God's wrath---you are afraid of your father.
That makes sense to me. We all grow up wishing for our parent's approval. I think that is just natural. Trust me--I grew up in the DEEP mountains of West Virginia...and I know about rigid, unforgivable cultural rules that they (try) to hand down. There was no room for deviation. Or, that's what we were TOLD.
However..no matter how we were raised...we still have free will. There comes a time in our development that we experience a rebirth of our value system. Usually, but not always, this happens somewhere in our twenties.
When we are small we live by the values and customs of our parents. Then, in early adulthood...it is as if all those values are tossed into the air--and we then pick and choose those which we truly embrace and discard those which do not serve US.
This surely will cause conflict between parent and child, sometimes.
IT IS A MAJOR RITE OF PASSAGE IN OUR LIVES.
It cannot be avoided if we are to become authentic individuals in our own right.
(mine came at age 27).
I am glad that you have a lot of therapeutic help....because I think that you will have to face your feelings about your parents and make peace within yourself about them.
The pain of facing it cannot be any worse that living day in and day out with the torment about it.
LOl! TerpGal...now, I realize that I am becoming as annoying as a plaque of locusts. If so, just use the good ole' DELETE button on me!
I felt compelled to share.
dandylion
***this stuff about stages---passages in our adult life---is basically from the work of Gail Sheehe in her classic book "Passages". It is an older book, but the material still has validity, I think.