I feel ya. Mine quit a week after me but we still go "there". Tis hard to dis-engage when they follow you. All the time trying not to add (retaliate). Mine was especially bad when I quit--physical--I left for a week. I was not going to support my side of our demise. It really hurt her and she wanted to hurt me. None of this is pretty. The late -stage behavior is scary. We were monstrous to each other. Maybe record an episode or two and play them back to her sober (or put it on at movie time)? You may get some better tips from the Friends and Family section here. I gotta add that there is hope. We do yoga together. We separate and re-group when communication gets strained. At 6+ months we're both feeling freer than ever and willing to try new things (like going back to school, yoga). I would not know how to live sober with a drinking spouse. Ours was so entwined. I will say that when I left for that week I was prepared to stay gone to stay sober. I suppose I could have used the same resolve to stay but I didn't. I know I feel that way right now. Best wishes on this complicated issue.