Yes it is a hard very bitter pill and I'm sorry for how you're feeling right now. I know how much it really sucks.
It sounds like you're at the point of acceptance though and this is where the healing can truly begin for you.
For me it was as if I'd finally given myself permission to get off the crazy train. There was a new door opening, and on the other side the sun was shining. I could really see ah for the way he was and separate myself from him emotionally. It was very freeing for me.
I hope you can also find something positive in this experience.