I talked to the director at the rehab facility today. AS wasn't kicked out for going across the street for a soft drink--it was actually beer. Oh yea, and sharing one of the newcomer's smuggled in xanax. So much for being kicked out for 'nothing'.
One thing that helped me (a little) was hearing that once they told him he had to leave, he apologized to the staff and thanked them for everything they had done for him. I was glad to hear something positive about him. You want to be proud of your kids but sadly, once addiction takes over, it can be hard to find the positive sometimes.
I talked to him for over an hour this morning. I managed to stay calm and collected even though every cell in my body was screaming and wanting to shake him and beg him to stop the insanity of this freaking addiction...I know that's not the answer... I have always been an "emotional reactor" and I swim around in the emotional end of the pool a lot--- This ordeal has changed me though, at least in the way I interact with him. I think before speaking/acting now and I try to measure my words. I also don't cry around him anymore.
He told me he regretted what happened (the beer/xanax), that it was stupid and he wished he could take it back..He was making progress and actually liked it there.
I suggested that he could go back (?)---He stated that they told him once you are asked to leave, you can't return for 30 days. They told me the same thing this morning on the phone.
He doesn't know what he's going to do right now. He's staying with a couple of guys in an apartment across town--according to him, it's a complete dump and they are shady characters (??) I figured he would ask to come home, but he didn't.
I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have.
Goodnight friends; here's to a better day tomorrow.