I'm sitting around trying to get my mind around what's happened in the last 10 days. I am thinking about what would have happened if I'd have had to have emergency surgery while I was was still on drugs. That would have been so terrible it doesn't even bear thinking about. I would have been judged severely and perhaps been treated in a whole different way. And with a lot less respect. And I would have gone into detox on top of it all. And embarrassed my family. I am so grateful and glad to be having my second Happy New Year OFF drugs, I can't even tell you.
I had to take some post-op pain meds and I did but I don't need them anymore. Tylenol works just fine. They are gone. Out of the house. I'm ok except for being tired and wrung out. I will be fine soon. I am glad it wasn't something worse.
I really thought I was dying or something. It crossed my mind that I was having a heart related or vascular incident. I did the strangest thing. I was in so much pain that I sort of dissociated. I was outside my body. I had been in pain for about 3 hours. It was about 2 AM and I knew something was terribly wrong so I got up and removed all my jewelry and made a list of all my medications and pertinent medical history and then went and took a shower and laid back down. I didn't wake my husband or anything. I didn't want to bother anyone. In the morning when Bob woke up and my brother happened to be here, they took one look at me and said "gall bladder" and I was at the ER. From there things happened so fast I kind of lost track of it all. It was surreal. I'm not used to being the patient.
I have to say, they sure did grill me about my alcohol use. I had to assure them over and over that I do not drink. And still I don't think they believed me. Because gall bladder disorders are more common among drinkers.
I will be very interested in what my various mental health practitioners have to say about me dissociating like that. That wasn't taking very good care of myself. It was like "Oh, look at this! I'm dying. Well, what do you know?" So strange.