Hello LiveLikeGold6,
Today is my first day.
While there were short lived periods of sobriety in my past, it never stuck because I always thought that alcohol was an option so I returned to old patterns.
I truly feel that this time is different because I am being honest. In the past year I began journaling my pain and I realized that my journal read like a tragic novel (a really bad Lifetime Movie here in the US). All the pain came to the surface like a flood. The most painful part is that I was the villain in my story. I picked up right where the abusers, exploiters and opportunists left off. I lived these experiences yet the realization that I have not just been a victim but an active participant sent me on a guilt spiral I could not escape.
I got honest with friends and family but nothing lifted the dark cloud until I fell on my knees and asked for Help. I re read the journals with different eyes, I was then able to find what I refer to as "Ester eggs" in my life story. I consider my Easter eggs to be the people, signs and miracles that showed up in my life when I needed them the most. Same past, different insight....
Finding this place, at this time, is "an egg" for my basket.
This board will be a major resource. In addition, I plan to return to my Faith, I have downloaded all the AA speaker tapes I could find on ITUNES. I have a library of physical and audio books that I ironically collected while actively drinking over all these years.