Don't be ashamed. I didn't quit on my first try. Damn far from it, actually. Shame was a big part of what kept me in active alcoholism. What released me was truly admitting my powerlessness over alcohol. No amount of time, effort, meetings, therapy, white-knuckling, or thinking was going to change the relationship between me and the bottle. The future of my life depended on my taking charge of my life and creating a new life where alcohol had no place. Looking back now the best decision I made was to start loving myself and practicing self-care. After that, the rest started to fall into place.