Good New Year's Morning!
I had likely the best New Year of my life this year. I went to the Alca-thon to start, which I have always thought about going to an Alca-thon since I started this journey 4/2011, but I didn't ever do it. I am so glad I did! I just sat in meeting after meeting for a few hours. And every anxiety I had that I would drink slipped away. It wasn't replaced with a cockiness of "I'm not gonna drink, I can do whatever. I'm solid!" I have experienced that before, for sure. It was more like, "I have no desire to drink. Drinking would be as crazy as drinking cyanide." I have NEVER experienced that. NEVER!!!
Then I spent the evening with safe, sober peeps. Lots of genuine laughter. Lots of relaxed fun. And two hours before midnight, it snowed in Tucson, AZ! That is some magical stuff right there! I delighted in what was happening rather than laying in my bed, numbing out which has been my life for oh so long.
Ended it with a final Alca-thon meeting at 2am and then home safely in my warm bed cuddling with my wife and my precious pup.
Duders... This is a dream come true! I am feeling so at peace.
The thing I can point to happened two nights ago. When I did my fifth step about a year in a half ago, I shared all, but one thing. It was the thing I decided no one needed to know. And that is the thing that has still been with me, needling at me. So, when my sponsor and I met, I just told him. I just blurted it out.
We spent the next two hours talking on a level that I have never talked with another human being before. It was... Cleansing. He related to it in a way that let me know he knew me on a cellular level, without judgment. And he loved me afterward. Like really did.
I don't want to get ahead of myself. This is one of my slippery things, I feel better and stop doing the work.
But I just had to share this (way, way too long) post.
Day six for me. And so very grateful.
Love.
Dax