Happy New Year, Dee! Thanks for keeping our thread up!
My husband called yesterday morning to tell me that his mom passed away. He seems to be holding up well, focusing on taking care of his dad and being with his brothers. I hope he is well-cared for, too. I feel very helpless in the whole situation. We're waiting to tell our daughters (though only the oldest will actually "hear" us) until he gets home, which I think makes the most sense. I think together, we'll better be able to answer her questions and help her through her grief. My husband will be staying down a few extra days - just through the weekend. I feel.... I don't really know. I'm having a little anxiety here and there. I started my period today, and for the past several months, I do get a little anxiety when it starts - hormones shifting. The worst of my anxiety, though, is usually 7-10 days into my cycle, and he will be home by then. I'm using essential oils to help it out, and I always have my Xanax as backup (though I STILL haven't used it!).
We're going to a festival today - do you all know peeps marshmallow candy? We live near the factory, and they are putting on a "Peepsfest" for NYE at a town near us. They are going to drop an 84 lb peep at 5:15 - perfect for the kiddos (it's not real marshmallow!!!
), and fireworks after that. Sounds like so much fun. We'll come home and I'll make an appetizer-y dinner and let the girls stay up as late as they want/can. Then I plan to take the Christmas decorations down tonight. My parents are coming over for lunch tomorrow, and I'll ask my dad to help me take the tree out. I'm trying to set up a playdate for Saturday morning, and hopefully one on Friday, too. The nights are hardest for me. Not the going to bed part, but around 9pm, when the girls are in bed and I'm just.... here.
No thoughts of drinking. I like that. I'm done thinking of myself as an alcoholic. It's a strange box to put myself in. I'm not losing my vigilance over cravings - I can always pull the label back out again. But I'm done defining myself by it. I don't drink because it does me only harm. I realize that's not a far cry from the word alcoholic, but I just don't feel like alcohol has a hold on me - neither the desire for it, or the fight against it. Does that make sense?