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Old 12-30-2014, 04:33 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Aellyce
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Another aspect of addiction and early recovery is the enormous changes in how we subjectively experience things due to the changes in brain chemistry (I would say mostly) and also in our routines. As active addicts, I think many of us also have a tendency to be addicted to intensity... Intensity of feelings, events, chaos, drama, all that. And, again, how we experience these things as active alcoholics/addicts. Now when we quit, suddenly a lot of that type of intensity disappears, and while it's temporarily "replaced" with another kind of roller coaster and new set of feelings, it's different... like you said, Awuh, it tends to lack the pleasure. But also, intense pain -- often we addicts get hooked on that as well.

So we can still try to fill our time with many (new) activities, but they don't feel the same, and this often makes us subjectively perceive that something is missing (or many things are missing) -- we identify this as boredom. This is the kind of "boredom" I've been though in the early days, and sometimes still, momentarily. (So then I sometimes find myself looking for new obsessions, or thinking something is "not enough".) Our brains remember that old intensity and madness, and while we may not consciously crave or miss it after a while because our awareness values the new sober new life so much more highly, there are still memories and unconscious feelings of "lacking". I think this is very pronounced in early sobriety and as far as I can see, it lingers for quite a while for many people. It's a change in perception and subjective experience.
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