Originally Posted by
tootsl1 
Dax, routine for me is one of the hardest things to push myself into, but one of the most necessary for me personally. I'm not sure what you mean about your job, is it that you don't like it, or merely that you find it difficult to push yourself when not being monitored? Yesterday was my first day back we were really quiet and none of us felt remotely motivated to seek work, but it goes against my personal ethos to be paid to do a job and not do it, so I found a small but necessary job to do that allowed me to sit and chat but also let me earn my wage. If you feel unmotivated constantly about your work Dax, perhaps now that you are working at your recovery, it is time to see what you really want to do? A lot of us in active addiction chose jobs that enable us to continue our way of life. But once we are in recovery it may not be enough to keep us stimulated. What did you want to do when you were younger? Does anything fire your imagination?what would you leap out of bed for?
Thanks for this, Toots. These are questions that I need to sit with. The comical response is that when I was a kid, I had a very specific plan. Ready for it? I was going to be a teacher during the day, a writer at night and a singer in the summers. My mom would say, "That's a lot! Don't you think you'd be tired?" And I'd stubbornly say "No!" This pattern of ridiculous self expectation and unreasonable demands exists for me today.
My current job is awesome actually. It is my dream job. There is tons of room, though, and I have been really abusing that in order to use and drink. It's discipline that I lack. My ethos for work used to be what you described above. And now I am this person who looks for the inch to take the mile.
And I hate myself for it. I do not do what I want to do. So, how did others climb out of that hole? What did you employ for self discipline and routine? Any practical suggestions that added to your ability to make routine?
I am also aware this is Day 4 after 9 months of using and drinking. Maybe I need to chill.