Welcome back.
Originally Posted by
davaidavai 
I hate this. I wish someone would love me. I wish I loved someone. I want relief from this solitude, this struggle, this fear for the lonely future.
Be the person you were meant to be. Quit drinking and start with loving yourself. Sobriety isn't a cure for loneliness but it is a better solution than drunkenness, with less of the misery.