I think the tendency to blame alcohol for all of one s/o's bad behavior is quite common. Its a real kicker to discover that many of the bad behaviors is WHO THE PERSON IS. I will say that in time, maybe not now but in time your kids WILL realize and appreciate how much you contributed to their upbringing. My Dad was an A for a time. My Mom did most of the parenting which included being the bad cop. As an adult I've come to appreciate her. Unfortunately you aren't likely to get your validation on your parenting instantly though. Processing through what is your husband truly vs. behavior related to drinking is a wily beast. Be kind to yourself in the process:-)