Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
katchie, no matter how good your boys are, they HAVE been affected by living with alcoholism. and yet you still look to the AH to step up to the PARENT role: I asked AH to please have a talk with him about his disrespect. you asked the King of Disrespect to talk to his son about being disrespectful.
He said he would do that, but I knew he wouldn't and now we are home and sure enough, just like I knew, I wasted my breath because he hasn't done a darn thing.
because he doesn't have a damn CLUE in how to address this. he's not a role model, he has nothing to offer in how to be a grown up.
Yes, this. I stopped asking my AH to step in and speak to our son. I once asked him to talk to him about sex stuff, after I had talked to my son about some puberty stuff he was hitting, and he said, "Ah, Sounds like you covered it ok." At that point, I knew he wasn't going to bother to give the man's perspective and have that father/son talk. I had to do that, just like I've had to do most of the parenting (not all, I have to give him credit for some things like giving me the sperm to conceive, LOL....Ok, I'm in a punchy mood this AM).
Anyway, Katchie, I have felt exactly as you do and it, quite honestly, is like a bunch of unnamed emotions that come up and and then roll out and then become something else. Like resentment, anger, and frustration turn into sadness, guilt, and self-doubt, etc. And, then they all roll together into one big ball and smack right into me and I don't know my up from my down.
Journaling has always helped me, calling my sponsor, and getting to a meeting, too. Also, my AH takes the credit for how our son turned out. People praise him for having such a great kid and how friendly he is and how good his manners are, etc. AH will sit there with a look of pride on his face, smirk at me, and then slap our son on the back and give him an attaboy completely dismissing my presence.
He once told me that he wanted to raise our son to be a man of integrity, just like he is. He said this about 4 months after he had lied to the DMV judge about how his interlock device locked him out twice for blowing a .15 BAC. Yep, he knows all about integrity, just ask him.....ugh! Someone who is capable of lying to a judge and then presented false evidence to them has integrity?
Others here on the board have told me that actions speak louder than words. Keep watching your husband and just step back. Enjoy the good he offers today and take it one day a time. You don't know what things will look like in 6 months or a year so just do the best you can with your 'today'. It's the one thing that keeps me going, the fact that I don't have to live in the future, I only have to tackle what needs to be done today. HUGS!