freetosmile.....with all that you have been through---I think your anger feelings are very NORMAL, normal, normal..... At least--expected.
I don't think that you desire to take away from him....just that you want to have something for YOURSELF! I see that as being a more healthy response than to be a long-suffering martyr with no human desires for your own welfare.
Iv'e never had a mate in rehab...but, I've heard countless members, here, express that when they finally get a break (while spouse in rehab)....they finally have time to "feel" the emotions that they have been trying to stuff for a very l ong time. Guess what?--anger is one of the most common feelings that they report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
freetosmile...I've just GOT to say this to you: I'll bet that you have no idea of how much negative "self talk" you do about yourself. Just in this one thread, alone---look at how badly you have labeled yourself....."miserable wretch"...."I AM ridiculous"...."lacking in grace"....."inherently wrong".....etc.....
I know that your husband constantly cuts you down (and, of course, you hate that)---but, look at how badly you describe yourself!!!
No doubt, you have carried negative "tapes" in your head as a result of bad treatment from an early age....not your fault---you were an innocent child, for pete's sake!
I just want to make you aware of this bashing that you do of yourself. Freetosmile--don't take up where they left off.
Words can be powerful...even the ones we say to ourselves.
I suggest that as a beginning baby step---try to consciously rephrase your statements about yourself when you find yourself doing this. Please?
You need to start becoming your own advocate. To begin to care for yourself with as much compassion as you have directed to others. You are just as deserving as any other human on this planet!!
I am going to keep my eye on you, freetosmile.....lol
end of lecture.
dandylion