you are working through your emotions. Like a death, the loss is incredible. You can cut ties with everyone if you wish to move forward.
Why don't you tie up the loose ends and let it all go before you leave for the trip? Clean break, fresh start, nothing dragging your down.
Seems like you are finding reasons to hold on.
He is no good for you. He is no good for anyone. Let the end of the story happen. Don't avoid that page. You can do it with dignity and pride.
I know you are hurting but if you read your words again and say them out loud, you will hear what your mind already knows.