I've been battling this for years
I've never really talked to other alcoholics about what it's like. If I have than I was either drunk or that memory has been erased by this stuff. I'm only 28 years old and I am absolutely burned out. I've checked into rehab two times in my life. The second time I checked myself in, I did it because I met an amazing woman and I wanted to make her my wife and I knew I couldn't do this anymore. When I checked in they told me they had never seen anyone check in that drank as much as I did (I was drinking roughly about 2 gallons of whiskey a week and I'm a small 140 lbs). I did this for 4 years religiously and still functioning as a business man. When I got married at the age of 25 I had been sober for 6 months since I went to rehab immediately after I proposed. 2 months after our wedding my best man and childhood best friend died in a accident and it drove me over the edge. I got drunk on beer when I got home and it didn't take much. I've been a mess ever since. For the past 2 years I've been drinking heavily on hard liquor and moonshine. My body can't handle it anymore. I feel my liver and kidneys in pain when I'm sober. It doesn't take nearly as much to get drunk anymore but I'm scared. I shake if I don't have fresh booze in my stomach, my brain shorts out, I've had 4 seizures this year (I've never had one before) that I believe to be from this abuse. I still somehow remain working as a self employed individual. My wife got sick of me hiding alcohol around the house. In several cases I've managed to go several days without it but she always finds a bottle I hid and forgot about when I was drinking and she gets mad and leaves. It's been a long road and I'm sick of it. She's been living at her sister's house for a month now. She came home when I was at work last night and went looking through the house and found a bottle I hid last week. I couldn't find it and I went sober for 5 days. So there's my story. My wife is going to divorce me if I don't get help. I've been to rehab 2 times. I can't afford it with the new health care reform. Does anybody have "at home advice"?