Honey pig, Dandylion,
Thanks for your replies. We're both seeing individual and couples counselors. She's active in AA, I'm going to Al Anon, trying to find the best group for me.
We've got a lot to unravel, but when she's in a good mood, we click amazingly and I want to be around her forever. But as those times become increasingly rare, I just don't know.
My work is to not feel anger or resentment when she says hurtful things to me. Some days I do a great job of interpreting her lashing out as a cry for pain. Other days, I feel myself getting really pissed off that she's indifferent to, or actively seeking to advance, my pain.