My wife of 20 years is 8 years sober. Very proud of her recovery, which she's worked very hard to attain.
In the past year she's exhibited lots of worrisome behavior toward me, including:
- Defensiveness
- Narcissistic anger
- Out "victiming" me
- Openly ignoring my feelings
- Viewing everything I do with an unfavorable lens
- Criticizing/Correcting me and explicitly prohibiting me from same
Somehow, I have become the recipient of all her projected self-loathing and she openly talks to me about how wondrous getting a divorce will be. I don't take bait, but just say, "Gosh, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain about all this." No response other than a withering glance.
I'm doing my own work to recognize my co-dependency issues and become a better spouse by being a better person, but much work remains. I am addressing the resentments of being the long suffering spouse who takes care of everything and trying to let go of some of my self-appointed areas of responsibility, but that just seems to anger her all the more. She says "I don't like the person I am when I'm around you," which I find troubling and yet a relief.
Is it possible for someone to be a "dry drunk" to their spouse, but make great progress otherwise?
In fairness, she also has family of origin tendencies toward isolation and suffers from bi-polar depression, a thyroid condition, imminent empty nest, low self-esteem, entering menopause, control issues, stress of a new career change and more.
Any thoughts? Am I unique?