Carmen, I posted on another thread about DV that I had a huge investment in believing that all of my ex's bad behavior was caused by alcohol. It was actually the linchpin that held our relationship together for so long. He had a ready-made excuse for everything and I had the constant hope that he would quit drinking so we could have the near-perfect relationship I was sure would be possible if he only quit drinking.
It didn't matter that he never expressed any desire to quit or made any effort to get sober. Once in a while he's make a comment about how he needed to quit spending so much at the liquor store or he'd go an unusually long time between binges. In my fairy tale world this meant he had finally gotten it and happiness was right around the corner. Of course it meant nothing. He kept drinking and I kept hanging on and we both kept getting sicker and sicker.
This cycle didn't end until I left for good and established a firm rule of limited contact only relating to our son and that goes to no contact when he's been drinking.
My ex has not changed at all, except to progress in his alcoholism and get worse. He is hardly recognizable to those of us who knew him before his decline. There is nothing left of the man he once was. Could he get better if he sought recovery? Maybe. It would take a lot of effort on his part, and he is unwilling to even admit he has a problem with alcohol. Anyone who suggests that he does is automatically labeled the enemy. He has alienated all of his family and friends with the exception of some very sick enablers who have a big investment in keeping him in a constant alcoholic daze.